Always - Bubs.

 The post previous to this one was written in 2018...

We were living our busy lives before the pandemic. The husband and I were 2 years into our marriage and were just beginning fertility treatments to have our first child. We had great news that we were pregnant, but it ended up being an ectopic pregnancy, something I've never heard of. The tubal pregnancy ruptured and I passed out on the floor of our living room with only Bubs home with me. I regained consciousness and was able to call for help, but he remained with me, laying by my head until I got help.

As I was upset with the world and saddened by the loss of a pregnancy and a tube (which meant that it would be even harder for me to conceive), I took some time off and had Bubs consoling me.

I remember having some pretty bad spells of depression, sinking into squats in the corner of my kitchen crying, and he would run up to me and hug me. - he really was my emotional support animal.

The following year, 2019, we got pregnant again and we were so excited for him to become a big brother!

He was our first born, but we had to prepare to be parents to an actual human, so why not practice on him?

When the baby finally arrived in Dec 2019, he was very skeptical of the baby, and also a bit depressed with the change. He wasn't as spunky as he used to be. At that point, he was 12 years old. After a few months, he got out of his depression, and embraced being a brother! He now had a new playmate to crawl around the house with!

I spent a lot of time at home with Bubs and the baby. My maternity leave ended just as the world shut down on 3/17/20. The husband was an essential worker and would come home to us as soon as he could. We spent a lot of time together and the baby and Bubs were besties. The baby learned how to be gentile, how to throw a ball, and what unconditional love was. Our annual family portraits featured both, Bubs and the baby growing together.

In 2021, Teenah Eco painted a portrait (left) of Cooper that we hung on our mantle.

In 2022, Wolverine, his cousin and best friend, left us. This is their last photo together.

We are all living in the post-pandemic, hybrid working world, but I was lucky enough to retain a full time remote role. I spent just about every day at home with Bubs and the baby. Maybe it's because I am with them almost every day, but his health steadily declined. He got slower, he became bonier, and lost his balance. Bubs could no longer hold himself up to poop, and would fall in it and track it around the house. I was always upset because I had to wake up to poop in our room at 3 or 4 in the morning. I'd have to steam clean the carpets at all hours of the morning. We did this for MONTHS!

We went to Asia in August of 2023, and Bubs stayed with the husband's sister, Wolverine's mom (like usual). As much as she wanted us to enjoy ourselves, she told us that this time was really difficult because he would poop and track it at her house. She went through the lengths of lining her kitchen with garbage bags and sleeping on an air mattress in the living room to help us watch him. -- side-note, she really is an amazing supporter of our family.

We took a short weekend trip, but ended up boarding him because we would never want Wolverine's mom to relive what happened that past August. We decided to not book any more trips because we knew our days were numbered. For months I would ask my husband to put him down out of frustration of the numerous accidents, but also because I didn't think that Bubs had a good quality of life anymore. He was walking into walls like a pinball, couldn't see out of his right eye, and could barely hear anything.

Yesterday, the baby- who is actually a toddler now, had a playdate with our neighbor who came over to our house. The night before was really rough, Bubs barely slept and kept rolling off his bed. He was sleeping most of the morning due to being up all night, but I heard the jingle of the dog tags signaling that Bubs was up! "I have to run and bring out the dog!" I told my neighbor who was aware of his age and health issues. I was too late and had to steam clean the bedroom. After finishing cleanup, I went to change Bub's diaper, and noticed blood in his diaper. I called the husband at work right away and told him what I found. We agreed to finally lay him to rest as we knew his kidneys were failing and he must be in pain. 

Last night, we explained to the toddler that his dog was going to heaven today. He cried and told me that it hurts he feelings that his dog was going to leave. At bedtime, the toddler asked if we could pray for Bubs. We took one final family photo before taking him to the vet where the husband held Bubs in his arms as the medicine that stopped his heart took into effect. He will be cremated and returned to us later this week.

Today is February 20, 2024. RIP Cooper, my Bubs. You will always be loved, our first born, our son.